Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
