i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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