Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize