Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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