The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
