just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
