I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
