I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
