dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
