A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
