The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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