i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
