It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
