wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
