I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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