I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
