Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
