i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
