Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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