i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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