He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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