it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
