are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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