i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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