just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
