Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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