Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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