just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
