It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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