I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
