By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
