btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
