I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
