Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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