great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
