I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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