Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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