You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We're too hungover to prance.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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