I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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