my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize