You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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