we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
