the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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