She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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