Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
