i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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