i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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