People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
