dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
