alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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