I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
