In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
