i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
