I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
