Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
