Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
