She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like abortions should bother me more
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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