and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
