Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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