cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
