Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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