Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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