he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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