She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
