Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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