I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
