If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
