Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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