He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
