I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
