overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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