Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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