oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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