we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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