i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
